Okay people, I am sick and tired of saying that I need to lose weight and get back into shape! Before I had Parker I lost 50 lbs, then had Parker and gained 45 lbs with that pregnancy. Lost 60 lbs, then had Logan and gained 50 lbs with that pregnancy! Here I am frustrated with my weight once again! (I know its a common woman thing, but seriously!!!)
Yesterday, Sam and I set a goal: To run a half marathon on January 19th, 2013. For those of you who know me, I do not like to run! However, this will give us something to continually work on and strive for!
(In case your curious, I originally suggested doing a 5K with Sam, but he was all "we have about 16 wks till then, lets do a half marathon". OMG!)
My plan: we are going to start running with the kids everyday and eat healthier. We are going to get a gym membership (hopefully at the rec center) to help us run when there is snow on the ground. We are going to find a 5K to sign up for in late Nov/ early Dec to help us gauge our ground. I am also going to post on the first Monday of each month how we are doing! This will help keep me accountable!
Please feel free to talk to me, give me suggestions, etc. that will help me along the way!
Also, for those of you out there that want to run with us please do! So far it's Mary, Sam and me that are running. Kathy (Sam's mom) is going to do the 5K that day as well!
Thanks for keeping me on my toes!
Kierstin
Monday, October 8, 2012
For Parker
I have been feeling sentimental lately and decided to write a letter to Parker for when he is older or in case....
To my wonderful boy Parker,
Last month, on Sept 21st, you turned 3! I know it is said a lot but I really can't believe it! How did this happen? It seems like only yesterday that dad and I were talking about starting a family and having a baby.
I want you to know that I love you so much. Dad loves you so much too. You are such an amazing boy. You are a great brother to Logan and such a smart kid!
A memory for you: For your birthday you camped outside with dad and in the morning I came out with Logan and started singing happy birthday. You got really mad at me and said that it was not your birthday in the tent. It was only your birthday in the house! After explaining with no success that it is your birthday wherever we go, you still demanded to go inside. Once we got inside you looked at me and said "I want cake!" See, you knew that the cake was in the house and in order for it to be your birthday you had to have cake, therefore it wasn't your birthday outside of the house! (And once a year I am okay with you having cake for breakfast!)
We decided to go to McDonalds for lunch so you could play with other kids and have some fun! You are such a good listener! You were so nice to everyone there and you love to make new friends! We are working on boundaries, however, you really like to get in everyones face- especially those that are smaller than you! You are a great eater too, eat one nugget, one apple slice, one drink of chocolate milk, then go play. You even took a potty break and didn't have an accident! Awesome!
I want you to know that I wish so many things for you. I wish that you will grow up and continue to be the kind loving person you are. I wish that you don't lose your sensitive side just because you are a guy. I wish that you always stay close to your family and that when you have a family of your own you still keep close! Life can be difficult and I wish that you can make it through as unscathed as possible. Remember, it's okay to get hurt, you will have a broken heart and you will most likely hurt other people. Life has to give you these experiences to make you grow up! You have to go through the hard in order to make the good that much better. Always remember to apologize when you are wrong. Learn who your true friends are and don't let them go, no matter how much time or space get put between you. Best friends are hard to find and once you find them they are worth keeping.
I wish that you will continue to love to learn. Learning can be difficult and stressful and downright hard, but in the end, I promise that it is worth every second. I wish that you learn who you are. This is a hard thing to do and that is because you will always be changing. Somethings will stick to you and others will be a phase. Either way, make sure that you understand yourself and know what you want and who you are. I wish that you set goals for yourself and constantly try to achieve them even if it seems like it can't be done. Your goals will be what get you want you want in life and mistakes and errors only teach you better ways of how to get there. I hope you always have something that you want to strive for! I wish that you don't let others define who you are and that you aren't afraid to be whoever that is. Sometimes people don't like others choices, but I don't want you to feel as if you have to please everyone- it is just not possible. If you feel good about yourself and aren't hurting anyone and are doing good, then you are just fine! Don't let society dictate who you can or can't be- cause they can be wrong! Don't worry about "fitting in". Sometimes the best people were born to stand out.
I want you to find your own views on religion. A lot of people will tell you what to believe and they will all be different things! This can get confusing! Explore religion and your belief in God. You may end up not believing in either, but I want you to decide what you believe for yourself, not just because it's the norm or because it's easier to believe what other tell you to.
I love you and wish you everything...
Mom
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
My frustrations, stresses and turmoils
Today was a really hard day for me. Please bear with me... I know that I rant and I'm sorry but I just had to get these things off my chest!
With my pregnancy: I feel fatter every day, I have absolutely no control over my emotions (so I felt like crying for no reason ALL day), my back and hips hurt and even when I get them massaged they still hurt so there is never any relief, and I can no longer get up on my own from any position (when I try I look like a beached whale!). I'm sick of going to the doctor and being asked why I gained so much weight since the last check-up... it's because I'm pregnant and am constantly hungry and craving sweets 24/7! Logan is pressing on my bladder all the time so it has now gotten to the point where I have to use the time to know if I really need to go to the bathroom or not. I can no longer bend down to put on my pants or to tie my shoes so Sam has to help me with this as well! I am also stressing out about being able to breast feed this time around since my milk didn't come in last time so that just adds another layer to the joy. Luckily, Logan's room is all ready for him and now it's just time to wait... oh man...
With society: I really hate the society we live in. Why does anyone think that they have a right to judge someone else? Really? So are we just supposed to conform to what others think we should? Why? I hate that you can say something and be completely judged and labelled for the rest of your life because of something that someone doesn't approve of. I hate that people in this society feel that they aren't able to be themselves, to say what they really think, to do what they really do, to stand up to others for fear of ridicule or rejection. Why as a society do we allow others to dictate these things? I am a great example of this... why do I not openly talk about what happened to me as a child? Because I don't want to feel as if I have lost a part of me... because I am afraid that I could talk to the wrong person and they would use those things against me for whatever reason. So even knowing this, I still don't talk about it and therefore continue to perpetrate the standing that society has control over me. Is that really fair?
With my emotions: Very recently I was asked to make a statement regarding my past for the court. My half-sister is taking this person to court and they have asked for my account of events in order to help see that he goes to jail for his .... (I don't have a word that is strong enough to go here). This has created a lot of turmoil in me. Should I do this? I understand the positives: It gives me a chance to tell my side of the story, I would most likely feel vindicated, If it helps put this person in jail then it would be well deserved, It might stop this same thing from happening to another girl, and I would be helping my sister. That sounds great right? Well here are the negatives: There wasn't enough evidence to take him to court when I was young so what is the difference now? I have gone to YEARS of therapy and just the thought of this makes me want to call my therapist and start seeing him again! I am stressed out the courts might put my address or adopted/married name in something and he could track me down (Yes, this has happened before!). It's not just me that I have to worry about anymore. Because of my worries about this, I am under a lot of stress and that worries me because too much stress can be harmful to the baby. Also, if they read my statement in court (because I will NOT go and be in front of him again) would he find some amusement in the fact that what he did to me still affects my life?
Wow, I really did go on didn't I? I'm sorry! I'll try to write more often and keep my rantings to a minimum!
With my pregnancy: I feel fatter every day, I have absolutely no control over my emotions (so I felt like crying for no reason ALL day), my back and hips hurt and even when I get them massaged they still hurt so there is never any relief, and I can no longer get up on my own from any position (when I try I look like a beached whale!). I'm sick of going to the doctor and being asked why I gained so much weight since the last check-up... it's because I'm pregnant and am constantly hungry and craving sweets 24/7! Logan is pressing on my bladder all the time so it has now gotten to the point where I have to use the time to know if I really need to go to the bathroom or not. I can no longer bend down to put on my pants or to tie my shoes so Sam has to help me with this as well! I am also stressing out about being able to breast feed this time around since my milk didn't come in last time so that just adds another layer to the joy. Luckily, Logan's room is all ready for him and now it's just time to wait... oh man...
With society: I really hate the society we live in. Why does anyone think that they have a right to judge someone else? Really? So are we just supposed to conform to what others think we should? Why? I hate that you can say something and be completely judged and labelled for the rest of your life because of something that someone doesn't approve of. I hate that people in this society feel that they aren't able to be themselves, to say what they really think, to do what they really do, to stand up to others for fear of ridicule or rejection. Why as a society do we allow others to dictate these things? I am a great example of this... why do I not openly talk about what happened to me as a child? Because I don't want to feel as if I have lost a part of me... because I am afraid that I could talk to the wrong person and they would use those things against me for whatever reason. So even knowing this, I still don't talk about it and therefore continue to perpetrate the standing that society has control over me. Is that really fair?
With my emotions: Very recently I was asked to make a statement regarding my past for the court. My half-sister is taking this person to court and they have asked for my account of events in order to help see that he goes to jail for his .... (I don't have a word that is strong enough to go here). This has created a lot of turmoil in me. Should I do this? I understand the positives: It gives me a chance to tell my side of the story, I would most likely feel vindicated, If it helps put this person in jail then it would be well deserved, It might stop this same thing from happening to another girl, and I would be helping my sister. That sounds great right? Well here are the negatives: There wasn't enough evidence to take him to court when I was young so what is the difference now? I have gone to YEARS of therapy and just the thought of this makes me want to call my therapist and start seeing him again! I am stressed out the courts might put my address or adopted/married name in something and he could track me down (Yes, this has happened before!). It's not just me that I have to worry about anymore. Because of my worries about this, I am under a lot of stress and that worries me because too much stress can be harmful to the baby. Also, if they read my statement in court (because I will NOT go and be in front of him again) would he find some amusement in the fact that what he did to me still affects my life?
Wow, I really did go on didn't I? I'm sorry! I'll try to write more often and keep my rantings to a minimum!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Looking back
So as it's been awhile since I have last written, you can probably tell that my life is CRAZY! Personally I wouldn't think so as I am now at home full time... but believe me when I say that Parker is as much of a full time job if not more! However, I am LOVING all this time that we get to spend together!
Parker constantly plays with his laptop (yes Sam gave him a laptop for Christmas.... I know- he's the only two year old on the planet with his own laptop, but it makes Sam happy and Parker enjoys it.) In addition to telling us that he loves us, he has now added the laptop and the penguin (his desktop image) in the "I love" list. Very cute!
Sam has been really busy at work... he will be taking a trip to New York soon and I am jealous! But, at least to console me, he will not have a moment of peace- this trip is all about work. Still, it's sad to know that I won't be going on any of these trips anymore!
In regards to my post title I have been thinking a lot about the past lately... probably because so many new things are occuring in my life. The one I'm stuck on today and wanted to write about is my experiences last time I was pregnant- with Parker of course!
I am at the point in this pregnancy where we are about to find out if I am having a boy or a girl. This is very exciting but also very unnerving! Boy? Girl? What is in my tummy right now? Last time I was pregnant this was a very stressful time for us- Sam had just gotten laid off from work and we were going to have a baby soon. All the expenses... not to mention finding a new job! Those months were very difficult for us as a family. Luckily we did have some savings in the bank and that did help to lessen the load, but as anyone will tell you having a baby is expensive. Every day we were constantly worried about how long we were going to make it. Medicaid was a big help. For those of you who know me it really bugs me when people use the system (not getting off their asses to get a job and mooching off the government because they can!). However, Medicaid for us was an amazing help and we were both so grateful that that subsidy was there for us. If it hadn't been we would not still be in the house we are now. I think the most frustrating thing for me back then was that I couldn't get a job... I mean who wanted to hire a woman that was obviously pregnant and would want to take maternity leave soon after they got the job? (I know it's not fair but I can understand their point of view...)
Friends also made a big difference to us during this time. Last time I was scheduling my ultrasound I was so excited to have my friend come with me and share in the wonder of finding out who this baby was. It's sad now because I have lost contact with her... and I'm sure that we are both to blame for this. It's sad how you can be so involved in a friendship with someone and realize one day that you haven't seen each other in almost two years. However, I do miss her and hopefully one day we will reconnect... then again I have tried many times to reach this person and have gotten no response back and have given up. It's sad now as I'm scheduling my ultrasound with this baby that this friend isn't being invited because we have lost base with each other... it was nice to have her there and miss her.
Enough for now... and Michael I am sure that there are some incorrect sentences and miss-spelled words but oh well... that's what happens when you go into a pregnant womans brain... it's weird in here!
Parker constantly plays with his laptop (yes Sam gave him a laptop for Christmas.... I know- he's the only two year old on the planet with his own laptop, but it makes Sam happy and Parker enjoys it.) In addition to telling us that he loves us, he has now added the laptop and the penguin (his desktop image) in the "I love" list. Very cute!
Sam has been really busy at work... he will be taking a trip to New York soon and I am jealous! But, at least to console me, he will not have a moment of peace- this trip is all about work. Still, it's sad to know that I won't be going on any of these trips anymore!
In regards to my post title I have been thinking a lot about the past lately... probably because so many new things are occuring in my life. The one I'm stuck on today and wanted to write about is my experiences last time I was pregnant- with Parker of course!
I am at the point in this pregnancy where we are about to find out if I am having a boy or a girl. This is very exciting but also very unnerving! Boy? Girl? What is in my tummy right now? Last time I was pregnant this was a very stressful time for us- Sam had just gotten laid off from work and we were going to have a baby soon. All the expenses... not to mention finding a new job! Those months were very difficult for us as a family. Luckily we did have some savings in the bank and that did help to lessen the load, but as anyone will tell you having a baby is expensive. Every day we were constantly worried about how long we were going to make it. Medicaid was a big help. For those of you who know me it really bugs me when people use the system (not getting off their asses to get a job and mooching off the government because they can!). However, Medicaid for us was an amazing help and we were both so grateful that that subsidy was there for us. If it hadn't been we would not still be in the house we are now. I think the most frustrating thing for me back then was that I couldn't get a job... I mean who wanted to hire a woman that was obviously pregnant and would want to take maternity leave soon after they got the job? (I know it's not fair but I can understand their point of view...)
Friends also made a big difference to us during this time. Last time I was scheduling my ultrasound I was so excited to have my friend come with me and share in the wonder of finding out who this baby was. It's sad now because I have lost contact with her... and I'm sure that we are both to blame for this. It's sad how you can be so involved in a friendship with someone and realize one day that you haven't seen each other in almost two years. However, I do miss her and hopefully one day we will reconnect... then again I have tried many times to reach this person and have gotten no response back and have given up. It's sad now as I'm scheduling my ultrasound with this baby that this friend isn't being invited because we have lost base with each other... it was nice to have her there and miss her.
Enough for now... and Michael I am sure that there are some incorrect sentences and miss-spelled words but oh well... that's what happens when you go into a pregnant womans brain... it's weird in here!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
My First Post
For those of you interested,
So a good friend of mine inspired me a few days ago, and he doesn't even realize it. Michael, I spent the last week reading pretty much all of your blog postings and I absolutely loved it!
It's amazing how fast life can FLY by you without you realizing it. There are a few friends of mine that life has gotten crazy with and we haven't seen each other in a long time! (Like over a year... at least!) It's sad because the older we get the harder it is to make friends and the old ones are the best ones. I really enjoyed reading Michaels posting because even though we haven't had time to catch up in a long time it was like I was still a part of his life and I got to experience what he was going through.
For those of you who are around and those not here is the story of my life recently.
Be back soon!
So a good friend of mine inspired me a few days ago, and he doesn't even realize it. Michael, I spent the last week reading pretty much all of your blog postings and I absolutely loved it!
It's amazing how fast life can FLY by you without you realizing it. There are a few friends of mine that life has gotten crazy with and we haven't seen each other in a long time! (Like over a year... at least!) It's sad because the older we get the harder it is to make friends and the old ones are the best ones. I really enjoyed reading Michaels posting because even though we haven't had time to catch up in a long time it was like I was still a part of his life and I got to experience what he was going through.
For those of you who are around and those not here is the story of my life recently.
- I am currently 12.5 weeks pregnant and apparently not going to get over the morning sickness anytime soon. On a good note however I can feel Baby moving and that is always exciting (plus not hurtful yet cause Baby is too small to do any real damage).
- Parker is growing up too fast! He is already 2 and showing every bit of it. In all honesty his is a great kid and very well behaved... but lately he has been testing his boundaries- more in public than in private. (We think that he realizes that it's harder to do "time out" in public so he's trying to take advantage of that!)
- Sam is doing really well at his job at Wavelink and enjoying every minute. Each week he is swamped with a new project and brings his work home often- but he really enjoys it so he's okay with that.
- Pregnancy has been really hard this time around... I am always nauseous, tired, and emotional. With Parker, I never threw up, with this baby it has happened quite a bit!
- Because of the craziness, I have put in my notice a Delta. It has been an interesting job and I will definitely miss my friends and the flight benefits- but hopefully having more time to myself will help with my body!
Be back soon!
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